Where I Find Myself

One Way

Posted in Creative Writing, Fiction, Short Stories by chrislacour on August 3, 2008

When the bus starts, that sound, that mechanical, combustible mash up, that noise, it makes her smile.

It’s a gentle smile.

With her eyes closed and her head laid back against the seat, she’s grinning.

For a change, she’s happy.

Copyright © August 2008 Chris la Cour

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9 comments

9 Responses

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  1. Paul said, on August 3, 2008 at 12:56 am

    Cool, perfect snapshot,

    Reply
  2. Wellum Hulder said, on August 3, 2008 at 3:40 am

    Cool. Nice vignette. I like “combustible mash up.” That is a really nice description.

    Wellum Hulder

    http://thejunkdrawerneedles.wordpress.com

    Reply
  3. chrislacour said, on August 3, 2008 at 10:04 am

    Thanks, paul.
    I’m not used to writing anything quite so short but I think it really lets the reader develop their own backstory.

    Reply
  4. chrislacour said, on August 3, 2008 at 10:08 am

    Welcome, Wellum.
    Thanks for your comment.

    Reply
  5. mrs. sarah ott said, on August 15, 2008 at 4:02 pm

    very cool, i love how the absence of length said so much for the woman with a gentle smile. you used all the right words to capture that moment for her. it tells me that the person watching this woman smile refrains from judging anything else but that she is happy for the change. it doesn’t exaggerate or assume. it only states what the womans face lets you see.

    Reply
  6. chrislacour said, on August 21, 2008 at 8:02 pm

    Thanks, Sarah.

    Reply
  7. Jane said, on August 21, 2008 at 9:12 pm

    this creates all kinds of thoughts for the reader.
    Is she happy for where she is going or happy for what she is leaving behind. A picture is worth a thousand words…. a few words are worth a thousand pictures.

    Reply
  8. Simonne said, on August 27, 2008 at 10:09 am

    Ooo, short suits you, this is great.

    Reply
  9. Koe Whitton-Williams said, on August 30, 2008 at 8:55 pm

    I enjoyed this quite a bit. Very poetic. I love the rhythm of the first sentence.

    Reply

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